that's that memespresso ☕️🤎
Crowning the song of the summer early and more declining arts.
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France imposes state of emergency in New Caledonia
France Deploys Army, Bans TikTok
This is alarming, all having to do with voting rights being given to more non-local/non-Indigenous persons. The concern is that this may risk the country’s autonomousness.
House committee devolves into chaos
Crockett speaks out about fight in Congress
“I can only dream”
“Bleach Blonde”
“he was FED”
“AOC said”
“Don’t be messing with Jasmine”
This was embarrassing and went very viral on both sides, sparking a slew of conversation and memes. This feels like the beginning of something?
Upside-down flag flew at home of Justice Alito
More mess!
Storms Batter Houston, Leaving at Least 7 Dead
“how fast the storm came in”
The Houston storm was shocking because…how did it happen? Feels, uh, related to our dramatic climate reality.
Detroit population rises, South dominates growth
Interesting! If we recall, Houston (and Atlant) is a would-be city of the future.
U.S. overdose deaths top 100,000
Good news: numbers are going down. Bad news? This is the third year in a row of deaths over 100,000.
Lesbian, bi women die earlier than straight women
Concerning! This is largely attributed to “systemic and highly reproducible health disparities” along with greater problems with health care access and substance use.
Slovakia PM Robert Fico in ‘very serious’ condition
A look at high-profile political assassinations
"Executed heads of state and government by decade"
"Ethel Cain: ‘we need to bring back assassination’"
Weird week for assassinations.
Growing concern over safety in D.C. despite drop in crime
Austin crime drops through first quarter of the year
Oakland mayor discusses police chief, crime drop
Violent Crime Is Falling Nationwide
Violent crime dropping fast — even if Americans don't believe it
I feel like these are related, as crime goes down but “fear of crime” goes up. Isn’t this how Trump stole so many votes?
Crew trapped on Baltimore ship, seven weeks after
This is because of visa items, which is frankly ridiculous. They do have to “work” the ship but…come on. This is inhumane and sad!
OpenAI Unveils New ChatGPT That Listens, Looks and Talks
“The internet isn't just in the 'cloud'”
Chat GPT got some big (slightly horny) updates this week. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but this is a great time to remind how resource intensive AI is. Really bad for the environment!!
Harrison Butker speech encouraging women to be homemakers
“our husbands go to work”
Cultural flashpoint of the week: a Chief’s player’s very retrograde ideas about what women “should do” being shared at a graduation. Enjoy Jennifer Coolidge giving a graduation speech as a palate cleanser.
Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs seen physically assaulting Cassie
Rest in piss, Diddy.
“A police chase ended in a wrong-way crash”
“This is the pursuit subject.”
One of the wildest Los Angeles items in a while. The pictures of the driver are…frightening.
Normally around now, this newsletter theorizes what the song of the summer might be. This year is different because there is a clear frontrunner that is racing us to vacation mindsets: Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso.” If you have not heard the song or watched the video, you are legally not allowed to read any further: you must listen to the song now.
I hate to be hyperbolic but it is maybe quite possibly a top ten best pop song of this century. It’s bright, it’s fun, it’s narrative, it’s self-aware, it’s referential, it’s “new,” and it bundles up this life and time so well. Unlike, say, Camila XCX — or, in some ways, queen Charli XCX — there is a complete effortlessness to what “Espresso” accomplishes. I’ve said this before but the song is as if you took the Kim Petras formula and applied it outside queer spaces, to mainstream music. It’s undeniably camp and of-the-internet, both accessible and niche in ways that Honor Levy wishes she was doing: the song cakes on word play multiplied by slang (“my 'give a fucks' are on vacation”; “one touch and I brand newed it for ya”; “my honey bee, come and get this pollen”) which is held on equal footing as marvelous, should-be-disgusting brand references that unreference in a way unseen since Beyoncé’s Red Lobster drop (“switch it up like Nintendo”; “I know I Mountain Dew it for ya”) all of which is handled with a wholly authentic white girl swagger (“I can't relate to desperation”) that works thanks to genuinely laugh out loud moments, a rarity in the too-self-serious pop landscape (“I'm working late 'cause I'm a singer” is perhaps the lyric of the year). This is amplified by the song’s subject being extremely, delightfully horny, that Sabrina is riding Barry Keoghan’s joystick, keeping him up all night, addicted to her buzz. That’s a she, espresso.
Another thing: the song has already propelled a slurry of different genres of memes. There’s the obvious working late because you’re a singer and the less-obvious that’s that me espresso posts which do not compare to the emerging variations of “espresso” becoming “depresso” or “Elphaba,” not to mention all the various mashups of the song and Nintendo culture or how it has become the soundtrack for stan cuts or is getting mashed into other memes. Brands and political parties are getting in on it too! The star herself, a former child star in the ilk of Ariana Grande, who has a tendency to shitpost herself, is continuing buzz off of phenomena like her Catholic church performance scandal which begot the supremely holy “Jesus was a carpenter” slogan. The song has boosted a floundering music industry that many are trying to build momentum from and her inspiring a thinkpiece complex. Did I mention none of this has to do with TikTok, where the song has become sped up, covered, and remixed into infinity? Oh: she also just released a de facto remix EP.
Unlike last year, where “Padam Padam” hesitantly tiptoed toward summer song status, “Espresso” was designed for the title, as Sabrina mentioned writing it toward warm weather feelings, which is underscored by a girl power attitude and a Doja Cat spiritual kinship. This is all a very round-about, effusive mapping of why this song is the one to beat this summer (and this year) — but who can topple it? What can stand up to a freaky caffeinated boink? A few ideas, rapid fire —
The cross-genre crossover, perhaps Shaboozey’s “A Bar Song (Tipsy).”
A hater anthem, likely from Kendrick.
Something with Post Malone, given his Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Morgan Whalen, and more collabs.
A queer mega-hit, either from Chappell Roan or Billie Eilish.
Related to the above: an eighties song, likely Bronski Beat’s “Smalltown Boy.”
To me, those are the only “real” contenders…and they don’t feel that strong! Sabrina has already given the gays what they want — and the rest is history. Just ask Kylie Minogue, who is still riding the wave of success from last summer. This is to say the obvious, for those who may already be chugging espresso like myself: the song is only going to get bigger. It’s yet to really have it’s big breakout and it’s going to continue until everyone on the planet (ironically) has an Aperol Spritz in their hand.
Index Archive
Have you all been reading the Harper’s “Harper’s Index”? It’s like The Trend Report™ meets a textual infographic. I’m obsessed as it’s one of the better form-meets-function pieces of writing and information sharing. This month’s is quite powerful!
King Charles’s portrait: frightening stylistic mess
King Charles’ portrait dropped, which is striking if, say, it wasn’t of a colonialist figurehead. My favorite theory about it is that, when turned upside down, you can see the devil. It became a meme too!
A$AP Ferg Pays Homage to His Lost Ones
I love these grills, but I don’t think we talk enough about the influence of Mr. Wash (who best coalesced and refined this style of Black American neo-folk art).
Australia's richest woman at centre of portrait controversy
One of the more incredible Streisand Effects ever.
Bring the Board Games to Shygirl's House
This is the Taurus representation that I needed. Shygirl is my queen and I think her liking little games confirms that little games are a Taurus trait. I always want to play a board game! But no one ever wants to play with me!
The first Mexican taco stand to get a Michelin star
I do think this is the future of “fine dining.” Michelin is elitist and doing “this” makes it more realistic and human — and I would love to eat at this stand!
‘Megalopolis’ sparks fierce debate at Cannes
”Coppola is a film god, there’s no denying that.”
Cannes was this week, with Megalopolis being the unhinged breakout. I don’t want to see it but it seems like a high-brow cultural consciousness requirement.
Jamaica Kincaid and Kara Walker Talk Children's Books
My friend Stephen did a very cute interview with Jamaica Kincaid and Kara Walker, about Kincaid’s children’s book that Walker illustrated.
How'd You Make That?
Speaking of Kara Walker: I finally read her “How Art Is Made” feature from Vulture, about the process of making A Subtlety, or the Marvelous Sugar Baby, and it’s one of the more fascinating how-I-work pieces from a creative. The Cheryl Pope and Louise Glück ones are good to, but not really on the same level.
This will be quick, because I was largely out of office this past week due to my birthday. (Read more about that here.) But one thing that came up multiple times, in conversations with different people, is that we’re really entering the beginning of the end when it comes to Hollywood. I write about this all the time and I feel like it’s not being heard, from the arts-on-life-support essay from two weeks back to thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and thoughts over the past four years. This is a huge deal, because if will affect cities (Not just Los Angeles but Atlanta and New York and many others too.) while reshaping “Hollywood dreams,” with aspiring writers, actors, directors, and more finding solace in other industries not to mention a soft power shift to social media that we’re already seeing with TikTok and the TikTok ban: that’s why this subject is so important.
So. To quickly recap this week’s entries into this news genre, let us look at some recent items (some of which have already been in previous Reports™) to read this writing on the wall together. Note that this isn’t just an entertainment thing, but has sharp runoffs into other creative worlds. That’s why arts and culture related items are included: unfortunately entertainment has become everything in “creativity” and the arts.
Prequel mania, from #WickedMovie to DUNE: PROPHECY to Furiosa to “Reese Witherspoon 'so excited' about prequel” to “Here are all the Game of Thrones spinoffs in the works” to “Star Wars' Sequel Trilogy Changed How We Talk About the Prequels.”
Unnecessary redemptions, a la “Shia LaBeouf and James Franco Movies Shopped Amid France's #MeToo Moment” and “Sharon Stone and Liam Neeson want Kevin Spacey to return to acting despite new allegations.”
Oscar Isaac to Voice Jesus Christ in Faith-Based Animated Movie 'The King of Kings'
Say hello to the Disney-Fox-Warner Sports Streaming Service and the Comcast-Peacock-Netflix-Apple TV+ Bundle. As one person said, “babe wake up, cable is back!” Or, as another person said, “let me just go ahead and get a landline too”
“Did every gaffer in Hollywood get fired?” and “This was shot on real film. You had to nail it.” and “Art Directors Guild Pauses Training Program.”
Art Market Seeks Its Footing After Stumbling Sales and a Hack at Christie’s
Take a shot of "The entertainment industry...the house is on fire." then a shot of “The indie production company isn’t really a thing anymore.”
“Whatever happened to the day-in-the-life, working in tech vlogs?”
It’s not just “The shocking state of the restaurant industry” thing but also the “Why Restaurant Prices Feel So High” thing.
These are all just the things that I saw. As people keep saying, a localized, indie, outside-of-Hollywood boom is coming. I’d go further and say, as I repeat in the How To Be A Creative™ series, that artists must divorce themselves from capital, that there will be a realizing that creativity is an identity that doesn’t have to get anything in return. This will both empower and dissolve star systems, to let people be outside of every creative system — from film to food to painting to sports — being steeped in profitability. It feels like we have to crash in order to be freed. That feels true of so many things right now.
"turning into a pride flag"
"Mixing my fiber with"
“being gaydhd”
"they can never make me hate you mother"
“what a strapping shoe”
Some pre-Pride posts for you.
“Who they’re actually emailing”
“Who they’re actually emailing”
“Who they’re actually emailing”
“Who they’re actually emailing”
The “who they think they’re emailing” is maybe one of the best trends to happen in a long time. Relatable, funny, unhinged: a great capturing of people trying to live despite labor. You’d love this, Marx! (Bonus: three other great work posts.)
“Why is the baby so cognitively aware?”
”I would be delighted, mother.”
”Thank you so much, mother.”
The biggest thing across all social right now is the “fully conscious baby,” who wants to go to the Four Seasons. Every video, every comment, every reaction is just divine. (But not enough people talking about the hunk father, tbh.)
“we got hacked”
So you know, this is my router.
“I wish they were real”
Obsessed with this British couple.
“that one couple in amusement park lines”
Love and hate this couple too.
“GOAT”
This is exactly how I act at sports games.
“I write hate essays”
New type of therapy just dropped. Is this not just Trend Reporting™ under a different name?
“Have your clogs”
This will make you feel high and the first comment sums it all up.
“if ketchup doesn’t exist”
”mayo on burger taste”
Two different brain rotted things, same vibe.
“How long does it take to fall asleep?”
I have watched this video about how anaesthesia works multiple times a day. The way this person powers the fuck down? Crying. The comments are spectacular.
“You look lonely.”
This was live footage of me crashing a bike this past week and fracturing my elbow. Oh, by the way: I fractured my elbow and typed this all with one and half hands 🙃
And, finally, how it feels to ingest all this news.
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Omg you’re so right, Sabrina is camp for straight ppl 😂😂 personally Espresso is tied with After Midnight by Chappell for my song of the summer