The Trend Report™: Hottie Hydration
Exploring why hotties are hydrating and drinking their little beverages.
“cities within 100-mile border”
“interrupt your whimsy for more bad news”
This was both a small and huge story this week: the Supreme Court is primed to make it legal for border agents to enter someone’s home if you’re 100 miles from any border, including oceans. This is psychotic. The second link, the TikTok, is very informative. (Related and unrelated: here’s an idiot Republican trying to talk about inflation but relating it to street taco tortillas.)
"Christian fascist" movement is trying to sabotage Pride
“anti-trans terrorists shut down a WI town”
LGBTQ people urge Democrats to forcefully reject GOP attacks
"only a matter of time until they said it with their chest"
Happy Pride! Homophobes are out in full force these days. For the last item: as women’s rights and bodily autonomy are rolled back, queer bodies will be on the table too, preventing people from transitioning or getting access to medicine.
House passes tough new gun measures
"Listen to Matthew McConaughey"
half of Republicans think US has to live with shootings
Facebook gives gun sellers 10 strikes before ban
Your gun news of the week. Shots and chasers.
PR Firm Is Paying Influencers to Hype Dems’ Middling Accomplishments
This is not it, Democrats. Y’all are so dumb!!!! You’re playing by a playbook that is over a decade old!!!!!!!!!!!
US lifts COVID-19 test requirement for international travel
Shanghai to lock down 2.7 million
Sounds like things are going well with Covid!
Gas Price Above $5 Per Gallon in Nearly Half the US
Tampon shortage adds to long list of consumer woes
U.S. Asking Rent Surpassed $2000 for First Time in May
Huy Fong Sriracha Shortage May Last for Months
Stories of inflation and recession. (Also loved this Planet Money TikTok on the subject. Jack Corbett forever!!!!)
Utah Faces An 'Environmental Nuclear Bomb'
A wild story about how climate change is going to turn the Salt Lake City area into a toxic, barren place as the lake dries. Very sad! We ruined this country, didn’t we?
The hotties are hydrating. The girls are getting drinked. The babes are boozing. The women are watering. The ladies are liquidating.
Something has been happening for a while now in the space of [insert liquid] and [insert femme] that is both so funny and representative of the tiny moments of simple pleasures in a time when everything is so big and so dumb and so complicated.
My casual trend analysis pinpoints “gorgeous, gorgeous girls love soup” in August 2021 as the start of hotties-who-hydrate culture, which is a unique tributary out of the bimbofication trend, saying that things that are not-solid are therefore better because they are simpler foods that are easier to eat while being literally hot. Another big tie is the viral “the feminine urge to have three drinks” Tweet from November 2021, which seemed to both create and define the “feminine urge” trend. This Tweet was also based on a TikTok from October 2021 by @sophiawpelton about how the height of luxury is drinking three liquids at once. (The runway for this was paved years and years before via sparkling water culture, which seemingly “broke” with this New York Times Magazine story which. Fun fact: I was the person who introduced the author to the drink “at work.”) Now, we’re seeing hotties-who-hydrate evolving into slang and expressions, like “little beverages” and “drinky drink” and “drinky girls,” which capture the energy of hotties-who-hydrate so succinctly.
Then there’s the TikTok drink trend workstream, which has yielded the “internal shower” and “dirty shirley” and “whipped lemonade” and “dirty soda” and “dalgona coffee.” This week, the hotties-who-hydrate drink was “healthy coke,” a very viral recipe originating from pilates that got people talking about how it’s a great Coke alternative. And, of course, there are incredible critics of the trend because, objectively, this drink is ridiculous and in no way “healthy Coke” because Coca-Cola is not healthy. This is a fantasy people are indulging! (For the record: I tried it and it tastes…like nothing. Sparkling water. That’s it. This is all magical thinking.)
Why is this happening? The I-want-Coke-without-calories urge says it all: in a world where women are constantly scrutinized, where their bodies and their pleasure and their personal expressions are under constant surveillance, drinking a little drink that you completely make up is freeing. Not only does this feel like you have autonomy under capitalism and under the various American regimes, but these also are creative outlets that are typically low calorie and express luxury through common goods. It’s all very “I’m fucking crazy – but I’m free.” without hurting anyone. It’s a vacation in your shitty day.
So, hotties, you’ve heard it here: continue to hydrate! It’s so in right now, and will continue to be in so long as we live in a surveillance state seeking our little freedoms.
Woman's selfie mishap damages work at Madrid's Reina Sofia museum
Woman's selfie mishap damages work at Madrid's Reina Sofia museum
Tour Julio Torres's Personal Writer's Room
Obsessed with Julio Torres’ workspace.
The Radical Joy of MUNA's Queer Pop
This story about MUNA is great but, also, the tattoo place where the story takes place? It’s my friend Liz’s studio, Jelly!! Highly recommend, if you’re looking for cool, delicate tattoos from rad femmes.
Neve Campbell Won't Be Back For 'Scream 6'
You have one job, Scream franchise. One job: to include Sydney Prescott.
Caviar 'Bumps' Are All the Rage
Y’all need to stop with this. This is not a trend!!! This is just something a Times author observed from friends and turned it into a story / payday.
What is This Strange Figure Outside the Amarillo Zoo?
Um? That’s a Predator.
“highlighting a lot of misconceptions about ecology”
I mentioned frogs trending a few weeks back and now, with frog army, there is a lot of talk about how frogs “work.” This thread was a great take on it! (Speaking of trending frogs…you must see this Crazy Frog Tweet.)
"Navy recruiters stationed in movie theaters"
Remember that stupid Times “Are the movies liberal?” shit? Here’s your proof that they are not. Military propaganda! Not intentionally, no, but they understand that people like my parents in the suburbs will pay a lot of money to see boot lick-y content.
"messaged Rebel Wilson saying they would out her"
Rebel Wilson coming out was a big story this week but, something that was missed, was that she came out because a newspaper threatened to out her…and then they posted about threatening to out her, as if that is a “good” thing to do!!!!!!!! Just wild.
Mugler Spring Summer 2022 Film
Megan Thee Stallion - Plan B [Official Video]
I wanted to write a little essay about why Mugler is trending right now but I ran out of time. The Spring/Summer film is so good. It demolishes the idea of fashion runways being necessary (or relevant) right now, while balancing queer culture with mainstream culture with Black culture with alt culture. It’s so fantastic! I think I squealed when Chloe showed up, am obsessed with the hoop-in-pits earrings, and love the Meghan billboard. The Meghan video is also a sort of spiritual sibling to the fashion film, but combined with big Under The Skin energy.
"The Making of the Perfect Martini by Guy Buffet"
Speaking of AI art, I cannot stop thinking about this painting.
"hank hill sings running up that hill"
People talking about Kate Bush but not enough about Hank Hill.
“woah woah woah hey hey hey”
Sexy classic animal cartoons are valid!!
“the mountains look so great”
Why do our brains do this??
“a day in the life of a leftist”
Literally my to-do list.
“need a pack”
Inflation is hurting everyone!!
"This website is free somehow"
Own of the week.
“In pride month gdocs????”
Google really said “no ❤️” to Pride.
"Dwight D. Eisenhower poses"
Speaking of Pride, Ike is gay, according to the comments and quote retweets on this post. Look at her lil panty hose!!
“i want to kiss”
The first sticker I would take.
“mild, medium, or hot?”
I’ll take medium!!
“pranking my boyfriend gone wrong”
Don’t prank your boyfriend when they’re with coworkers!
“borrowing a bar of soap”
Are Australian people okay?
And, finally, my brain when someone says recession.