LIFE SUCKS IDGAF ABOUT ALIENS!!! 😭

We are all tired and all over it. Can the whole world go on summer vacation? It's too hot and our bodies are feeling it.

More evacuations as Greece battles wildfires
The wildfires in Greece are so bad that they “declared war” against them. (Despite tourism officials beckoning visitors. Mark my words: this is the year travel as an aspiration dies. Just read the thinkpieces! We should be ashamed, how much we “go places” despite disaster.)

Niger soldiers announce coup in west Africa
France and EU cut off financial support to Niger
Not great!

Most Brits reckon Brexit has failed
Funny how these things happen!

X Will Wipe Out Billions in Brand Value
"person behind the  @x  Twitter handle"
Elon Musk takes @x handle from its user
”Musk installs massive light up X”
“a story in 4 parts”
“Twitter’s new ‘X’ logo”
I am certain you saw how Twitter has euthanized all brand equity with the painfully Hot Topic “X.” Here is some coverage of this disaster. (The last item I saw a few iterations of and it’s…perfect.)

X rolls out ads revenue sharing
"bottle up your clapback and put it away"
Also a word of warning: Twitter now “pays” creators, which means your engaging with rage-bait means those losers get paid. Resist!)

Heat, Drought Drive Opposition to AI
A fascinating story about how much water data centers really use and the friction created as drought and water-scarce sites contend with or work with these mega-tech brands. I feel like we’re going to start seeing the beginning of the end of The Cloud and data as an unlimited resource!

McConnell Future Is in Doubt
Sen. Dianne Feinstein told to 'just say aye'
“only jobs available for people 80+”
This week in the sad and scary of geriatric American politicians. There are too many! Mitch, Diane, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Ruth Bader Ginsberg: retire. You’re setting an awful example!

Biden to establish Emmett Till monument
I’m actually surprised this hasn’t happened sooner? But also: finally.

Lawmakers call for transparency on UFOs
Big talk of aliens this week which…I don’t care about unless they are helping us (without being profited on).

U.S. sees biggest rise in COVID-19 hospitalizations
Since December. Alrighty!

I’m happy to report that the oppression Olympics are over because everyone is tired of this shit.

There has been this rising feeling, online and off, that we’ve all just had it. Yes, people with good hearts and minds care about you and care about the world and want to see everyone living their best lives – but are you a joy vampire in an increasingly joyless time? Are your complaints blocking the sun as I try to cheer myself up? Is your depression causing my depression to deepen? Are you just plain mean? We’re over it. That’s the feeling, as inequality collides with the antics of the ultra-rich, as just-trying-to-be smashes into climate warming just-trying-to-literally-survive, as parents and adult children cannot afford anything. Yes, Troye Sivan’s new music video is basically a twink pride manifesto – but no one wants to hear your boo-hoo, wah-wah, “But what about me?”-ing about it. There’s just too much going on for shit like Garden Wife to happen these days. As Twitter dies, so does our patience and our putting up with chronically online behavior. Why are we wasting time being frustrated or mad at each other when we can be mad at the powers that be?

The best example of this was being told that aliens really are most likely really real, to which we responded with the appropriate “Eh.” It’s not that this isn’t cool – It is very cool! Just ask Blink 182’s Tom Delonge!! – it’s just that, like, with all the layoffs at my job and struggling to survive in triple digit temperatures and milk costing $35: I just got a lot going on. I’m too busy taking a dump and trying to figure out ways to save myself. Aliens? That’s cool but I dont fucking care because I have to pay rent. The world is ending. And you’re trying to get me to tax me into more military spending? As some sort of distraction against workers standing up against billionaires? I don’t care.

We’ve had enough! We are living in the sequel to The Great Depression, where the rich are dehumanizing their workers while hoping for “nice little” recessions to get us back to the office. We work to make millions for companies without proper compensation! We all live alone – and it’s expensive! Our lives are ridiculous, whether or not you work at a Wal-Mart. Let us enjoy Barbie in peace? Oh wait, we can’t, because of constant news and the boo-hoo, me-me cycle of forty year old children like Ben Shapiro bloviating about how Barbie is oppressing him. Pronouns, pronouns, wah wah: shut the fuck up and treat people how they want to be treated. The fight, fight, fight cycle of the news and politics – Of everything!! – is too exhausting. The politics themselves are bad enough! No one gives a shit. We are all oppressed and depressed as Americans!

So what does it mean? If there was a lesson in this week it’s that people are so far beyond caring. This is not the time to advertise to people nor is it the time to push agendas: people are about to throw the fuck down. It’s too hot and we’re all mad. What the world needs now is a break. We need quiet. We need collective agreement because this shit has to stop. The economy, the weather, the personalities: they’re killing us. Send the rich people to Venus to play with the aliens. I just want to go to the beach.

Jessie Ware, Róisín Murphy - Freak Me Now
Jessy Lanza - Limbo
Physical Therapy, Complete Walkthru - Popcorn
PUMP SOME JOY IN THEM VEINS HERE LETS BE NOT-DEPRESSED TOGETHER!!!!!!

Mattel Execs on Next Hollywood Moves
Lily Collins, Lena Dunham’s Polly Pocket Movie
We talked about this last week but this is not-great for films or audiences. This is only good for capitalism and sponsored content! And nepotism babies apparently. (Mark my words: noted brat Ben Platt will be in that nePolly Pocket movie.)

Dwayne Johnson Contributes 'Historic' Donation’ to SAG
The Rock is good.

Ts Madison Calls Out a Comedian’s Transphobia
“TS Madison always set the record straight!”
Everyone needs to watch TS Madison’s brutal takedown of a transphobic, TERF comedian. It’s…Nobel-prize worthy. Truly iconic.

Japanese Pop Star Comes Out as Gay
This is major! Especially considering the pop music landscape worldwide is so not-gay, especially for men. I’d be intrigued to see if more artists follow suit (inside or outside of the K-Pop/J-Pop sphere).

Activision sues music critic over TikTok pizza clip
"all companies have the right to use your work"
A story to watch: Activision is suing creator Antony Fontano, who sued them for using his audio without pay. If they win, it could mean…corporations can profit off of your content without paying you or permission. Big bad!

A TikTok Star Watches Out for Tourists in Italy
Last week, we started seeing the “Attenzione! Pickpocket!” woman’s face. Now, read about how she is part of a group who help apprehend pickpockets. Go off, polizia!.

Katie Ledecky ties Michael Phelps record
“This is RIDICULOUS”
I am no sports boy but Katie Ledecky’s record breaking win this week was wild. She’s…maybe the best athlete in the world right now??

Joyce Carol Oates’ Secret to Immortality
I don’t love JCO (Nor have I read any of her work.) (Don’t @ me because I simply do not care.) but this interview when she talks about writing, life, death, and ideas of mortality really hits. But, when she talks about other stuff (Like race.) you’re reminded that she’s a troll and foot fetishist fool.

The rise of the smartphone in fiction
I have long bemoaned to friends and other writers that the inclusion of cellphones and brand names in writing have to be worked very carefully. It feels like advertising, in a way, and distracts from the narrative. Keep that shit out of media! Anyway, this story touches on that and I don’t think enough people talk about this.

Kreuzberg
I’m reading Jake Byrne’s new poetry book Celebrate Pride with Lockheed Martin, a terrifically timely reflection on corporations, technology, the personal, the queer, and “the world” all blended together in a soup. This poem felt very immediate, although the ending is different in the book (a new line – “It’s 2022 and they are rounding up the homeless, soon the trans girls, then the faggots too.” – is particularly rich.).

There was a pain in my armpit. It was a small lump. I got out of bed and looked in the mirror: a red spot. Was it a pimple? I went on with my day, resolving to check on it later.

Then more lumps. The original was larger, feeling more like a planet that had attracted satellites. Was I sick? I felt fine. Nothing “was wrong” with me, save for these tender parts. I felt like I was holding lollipops under my arm. I resisted the temptation to over-investigate the cause. It would go away.

Then even more lumps, in the other armpit. There was definitely something happening. I still felt fine! The first lumps had dulled but had grown to the size of bouncy balls. All of them were sore. I felt like I was growing something. Maybe I was hatching eggs? That seemed exciting but sweaty. I drafted an email to my doctor, to ask if I should see her. I scheduled the note to go out the next morning.

Then I slept terribly, as the lumps kept me awake with a rave of irritations. They throbbed. My note went out but I set an appointment before she could reply. Was it the lymph nodes? Did I have cancer? I hoped it wasn’t cancer. That would be bad. Life’s hard enough already.

I explained the situation to my doctor. She was very stoic, measured. She asked about other symptoms. I told her I didn’t have any. Lay down on the table, she said. If you can take off your shirt, we can take a look. I did as she said, laughing that it was all so ridiculous. Lumps? In the armpits? What an innocent taboo. Armpits, like butts, are silly. But, unlike butts, you don’t poop out of there: you just make fart sounds. She put on gloves and asked me to lift up my arms.

Oh, yes, she said, encountering my multiple mean, red-faced children. You have boils.

She pushed and squeezed them between fingers. She checked the lymph nodes in my throat, my stomach, my groin. She poked and poked and shared that, yes, everything felt fine. They were boils, which are the older, more disgusting sibling of a pimple. They were probably because of the heat and the body’s difficulty coping. Wear looser fitting clothing. Make sure – she gestured with both gloved hands, in circles – your areas can breathe. Do you wear deodorant? I do. It should be very natural. No aluminum! Weird, I told her. I do all those things. My deodorant is, like, a specialty vegan paste. She nodded, telling me to be careful with the sun, as she prescribed a medicine that sounded like a water-based X-Men.

You will not be able to go into the sun when you take this, she said. It will make you sensitive.

All this, because of the heat. I took my mint-colored pills with food. I stayed out of the sun. I told one friend about it, who said I was experiencing a biblical plague. A drought for my body, I thought. Another asked for all the gross details, as their girlfriend was experiencing something similar. Another said you can get them if you have boobs (but there are powders that help). The Fox Is Black called them my Susan Boils. I bemoaned their whaling (their painfulness). Boils, I thought, reading about workers and heat and the threat of death and how heat is the new Covid for the elderly. Global boiling, a United Nations leader scolded. The era of global warming has ended. The oceans, their swirling currents, their boiling waters, could collapse and turn Europe into Alaska. Second and third degree burns from the sun, I read. Crossing guards helping children cross the street as their shoes melt. Extreme heat could cost us $100 billion a year, Biden said. Changes in heat-related illnesses? Your Local Epidemiologist asked me in my inbox. My body, your body, Greta’s body placed before the heat. Did you know you can build heat tolerance? More orcas learn how to ram into boats. Maybe the water’s too hot? The climate movement in German has halved. 𝙏𝙤𝙤 𝙝𝙤𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨? 69 asked in my inbox, while advertising a flowy, oversized dress that my doctor would approve of.

Susan and Susan and Susan sang, their voices sharp and jagged like opossum teeth. I took a Tylenol.

“remove your card”
“the waiter asks if i’m ready”
“when the Logitech controller dies”
“people who look at that video”
“one fun fact”
“same facial expression”
“on mute”
"make them go on Hot Ones"
Mitch McConnell memes were the best of the week and, no, I do not care if they are “insensitive.” I don’t lick boots!

“barbie (2023)”
"thank you so much for making barbie"
“Ken if his job was”
“i feel bad about making the bomb”
Another round of Barbie and Oppenheimer memes, which somehow continue to trend.

“this is just funny”
Enjoy the actor Halle Bailey, who played Ariel, engaging with a Tweet about someone turning her feet into fins. This is very fetish coded and very funny.

"azealia banks on the nicki/ice spice collabs"
I was talking to some co-workers this week about how Azealia is so right on this, that Nicki (and Drake) are so cheesy and desperate right now. They’re icons! And yet they’re using the desperation playbook of Madonna. Please have more self-respect and step outside of the cheese factory. (I also would like to nominate Azealia for a Pulitzer. I mean this seriously.)

“POV: you’re at a corporate event”
Honestly very triggering. Very Hillary 2016 vibes and I do not like it.

“LIFETIME PRODUCTS!!”
This is your sign to get a new cooler, in case you are going somewhere really hot.

“some tiny leaves”
You too will go on this facial journey.

“Not The Only Thing That’s Green!”
Gonna play this new Yoshi game all summer.

“I wanna be objectified”
Presto chango, bitch!!

“GAY”
“I DONT BANG DUDES”
“give it to me straight”
I think this is allyship.

"29 Bacon"
Okay…what do you hear? This 2016-ish video of journalist Christopher Alvarez promoting something for DJ Khaled is my The Dress, thanks to his distinct voice. I heard every single one and I don’t know which is right.

And, finally, how I am spending the weekend.

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