simply the best 🥹

Some best ofs, on this last day of the year.

Surprise! Here’s a special, abbreviated edition of The Trend Report™ even though I am “off” because I got bored and I love you all / am addicted to the internet and writing!!! If you want to fill out the 2023 Reader Poll to help make this newsletter better, you can do that here.

Biden once again bypasses Congress
To sell emergency weapons to Israel. BYE BYE MORON

East Palestine Residents Waiting for Biden
I’ll be honest: I forgot this happened this year. Incredible that Biden did nothing, and that we botched two catastrophes with the name Palestine.

"Fertile Ground For Our Adversaries"
I’m not paranoid, but I agree with CBS’ Catherine Herridge, that we’re likely to see a black swan event next year. 2024 has very cursed vibes.

Teen's death in Wisconsin sawmill
Continuing in our year(s) of mass child abuse via child labour in America.

"Democrats wake up every morning"
I’m sorry but Kellyanne ate us up. This is so fucking funny.

Tucker Drops Bizarre Kevin Spacey Interview
Did everyone see this? Unhinged.

Ex-GOP lawmaker doubles down on claim Trump smells
Apparently he smells “‘of armpits, ketchup and butt.” I wish shit like this were enough to take his down but alas.

Ghana's masked presidential candidate adds mystery
I am invested.

Long COVID Appears to be Decreasing
I missed this! But I think this is good, despite still needing to be vigilant!!

Massive waves and life-threatening beach conditions
“crazy waves today”
“ur trailer being a yacht”
Did everyone see the big waves in CA? OY.

It’s the last day of the year! And, as I do every year, I wanted to give you a round-up of what I think the best things of the year are. Do not take these too seriously as they are long and rambling and mostly a time capsule for myself.

Click to find full posts on the…

• Best of Music

• Best of Culture

• Best of Writing

I had hoped to share my 2024 predictions post in this Report™ but alas: I ran out of time. Hopefully that will arrive next weekend, or at some point in the near future!! I love you all! Happy holidays! Have a great 2024!

Missing the feeling of a white Christmas?
“remember when we used to have snow days?”
“cancel the 401K”
“day 1 of decreasing”
Big obvious theme about the holidays now is how anti-winter it is. Sad! We fucked up the planet! We can fix it though! I think!! Related: a meme of people cancelling their 401Ks because there isn’t a future anymore, due to warmer winters. They’re not wrong 😭

Apple Watch Ban Is Here
Apple resumes Watch sales after ban
This was a wild moment.

Ariana Grande announces album in 2024
We will suffer through this together.

Pop-Tarts Bowl ritual sacrifice of mascot
“Pop-Tarts Bowl forever”
“the European mind”
In case you missed it, some football game happened where the Pop-Tarts mascot was sacrificed — and eaten — by the winning team. I think this was genius — and much better than the below.

"A $1.5 trillion company is tweeting about"
I have not seen Saltburn yet, but I do think this is a good bellwether for “the point” of brands being on social media today. They’ve lost the plot!

"2023 was a *year*"
The best end of year recap, thanks to NowThis. Here’s an admittedly OK meme recap too.

Someone recently commented if I was leaving Substack. I said that, no, I was not and, at the time, I didn’t clock that this was likely a reference to the Substack exodus regarding the site platforming Nazis. After this big story dropped, a letter was sent by publishers speaking out against Nazis. A statement was made by the platform that was, uhh, not-great.

First, the obvious: platforming and profiting from Nazis is…wild. So beyond reprehensible and awful — and the “free speech” argument is so archaic. It’s so Elon! That said: of course this was Substack’s argument, as it’s the the same profiteering Silicon Valley silencing shared by Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, etc. All social media does this! Instagram and Facebook are particularly bad! Substack is just walking and talking like the duck it wants to be.

Second: these are big subjects but, truthfully, I think this is an intra-Substack storyline, a conversation amongst publishers that readers probably have little idea about because you just get your emails and don’t have to deal with the mechanics of the platform. It is something we all should know about and speak up on though. Does that mean we should all abandon ship? That is your call to make.

Lastly, as far as me, I am…not going anywhere. I certainly agree that, yes, Substack needs to stop simping for terrorists and white supremacists, to invest in meaningful change, to acknowledge that their propelling hate has a clear ripple effect. I just don’t, say, have the privilege to bounce as I am recently not-employed and am a “no one”: this lil newsletter is all I have. Until I can launch my own message board and newsletter platform — and guarantee proper conversion — I will be here, for better or worse.

Just know: Substack, we see your hands getting dirty. There might even be blood on them too.

"imagine how many"
“you’ll never guess”
“I LOVE CLIMATE CHANGE”
“love ya”
“do not get it twisted”
“Prissy Kissniss”
“Santa please get me a slay/slem”
“They Need your HELP”
“Do the click”
“under that christmas tree"
“when i was in sixth grade”
Holiday post round-up!!

“i thought chernobyl was cher”
re: that last one about the sixth grade. They’d be friends!

“no longer work”
“2024 sounds like”
Some new year posts!

“my alter ego”
“Animal Crossing”
“ANITA MAX WYNN”
My favorite meme of the past two weeks was everyone making fun of Drake for his “alter ego.”

“Ice Spice saving NATO”
She really can do anything!!

“JOE BIDEN PLEASE”
I agree! We need this, Joe Biden!

“where is your gloss from”
LANEIGE DUPEEE

“Fake ID Guy”
Why are my texts going viral?

“Bottoms are hilarious”
Speaking of texts!

“GYATT GYATT”
“my new hero”
Some Gen A posts for you.

“Your brain rot friend”
This type of person needs to stay in 2023. I am tired of them.

“I am all for people being polyamorous”
She’s right.

“charlie brown: *holding gun*”
Charlie just needs help!

“I’m from Palm Beach”
Actually we need more Boomers interrupting Gen Z TikToks.

And, finally, what I’m twerking to at midnight.

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