🐶🍷🩺 COPE CULTURE LET'S GOO 🩺🍷🐶

Why dogs, wine, and therapy are having a moment and a eulogy for Róisín Murphy (which forecasts a bigger "thing").

What we know about the Jacksonville victims
"Your policies caused this"
The Jacksonville shooting set a sad tone for the week – and a lot of talk pointed to Ron DeSantis’ Florida and racism. Happening in tandem was great reporting on how his team thinks the basic facts of slavery are “support progressive policy goals.” Wow.

Trump's trial to begin day before Super Tuesday
Obsessed with this mess.

Ramaswamy Aligning With Christian Nationalism
“rhetoric of Hindu nationalists”
“Vivek has a secret”
"Ramaswamy a cease and desist"
A lot of people are poking through the Vivek veneer this week. Also? He got sued by Eminem. Loser!!

Myths about tackling climate change
The poll that revealed these myths has me screaming. Driving slower? As a climate solution?? Y’all. BE SERIOUS!! Maybe these people are just influencers hired by fossil fuel execs?

Poor Americans Tap Debt, Buy Less Food
Meanwhile, unemployment is at 3.8%. Huh? Maybe Biden’s slashing drug prices will help.

Pope says 'backward' conservatives in US
Pope Francis is trying to tame his flock but…he’s too late! Ain’t no one gonna listen, dude!!

Behind AI, an army of overseas workers
I have a larger story brewing about offshoring in tech. I think business practices like this are gonna pop real soon!

American Airlines attendants vote to strike
Philadelphians erased $1.6m in medical debt
“nation’s first debter’s union”
Disney VFX Are Moving to Unionize
Hollywood's working class turns to nonprofit funds
This week in unionizing! Also, it feels like we’re reaching a turning point for the writer/actor Hollywood strikes, especially with the Charlie Kaufman and Adam Driver viral items: it’s becoming very apparent to normies that this is about greed – but why should a lot of normies care? Especially if they’re Republicans. You’d think this would galvanize talent and politicians to bridge these two subjects to push them left.

What to Know About the New COVID
Welcome to the “You Do You” Pandemic
Covid is staging a comeback and, at least in the United States, the philosophy is very “Eh.” We still don’t know what happens in the long term with this!!

Screen Time Linked to Delayed Development
Lots of talk this week about babies and screen time, although the study is a lil faulty.

A wriggling worm in a woman's brain
“That feels funny”
Don’t fret but you might have a worm in your brain.

There is a movie theater in East London that now allows dogs!! They can’t sit on seats and, for now, are being let in for a screening a week. This is and is not related to the recent “adult” dog movie Strays, which has done not-that-great as far as sales. Also? Did you hear that lifestyle store HomeGoods was reducing (if not eliminating) their kids section in favor of an expanded pet section? It’s true!! This went viral on TikTok, with duets receiving just as many views as “pet parents” rejoiced as they “felt seen.” Zooming out, there are more signs of this pets megaboom, which we’ve talked about before: the pet industry is poised to grow to $500B by 2030. That’s not all! Get ready for more pet funerals and pet parties and pet e-commerce and pet insurance! It’s a good time to be a dog!!

But enough about pets. Let’s talk about getting fucked up!! Americans are drinking as much now as we did during the Civil War, which is to say: we are drinking a lot. It’s not just alcohol either as a third of adults ages 35 to 50 are binge drinking and using marijuana. And the sales? THEY UP. Last year, spirits overtook beer as the most-sold alcohol, as the sector broke sales records. Meanwhile, states like Georgia and Texas, who previously banned Sunday alcohol sales, are loosening up. And online booze sale?s They growing!! Not into booze? You’re good: nonalcoholic spirits are booming too, along with THC drinks and adaptogenic drinks. Grab a glass! We getting lit!!! Even if any drop of alcohol is bad!! Who cares?? “Deaths related to excessive alcohol consumption are rapidly rising in the United States, especially among women,” NBC News shared at the end of July. Um? DON’T BE SUCH A PARTY POOPER!!

Not into pets or drinking? Try therapy!! Which is also on the rise!! Whether online or off, the results are just as good. The market is quite diverse too: cognitive behavioral therapy has proven very effective for insomniacs; float therapy (a la, isolation chambering) could help with anorexia; if you’re having trouble with your friends, there’s always friendship therapy; those seeking to better their heart health can try laughter therapy; if you’re dealing with stress, you might wanna look into sound therapy – or being buried alive; and then there are the therapeutic effect of animals, as petting a dog is good for your brain. Like dogs and booze, therapy has been all the rage as far as thinkpieces: does therapy culture help us or hurt us? Is therapy speak actually limiting? Does therapy work at all? Who knows! But we’re talking and talking and talking and talking about it!!

So…what’s going on here? We got pets, we got wine, we got therapy, three different things that are all, in ways, trying to do the same thing: fix us. Talk of these three subjects have been fiercely discussed since 2020 in relationship to Covid – So many pets! So much alcohol! So much therapy! – and, all these years later, the participation in these subjects has becoming even more exaggerated with seemingly the same (or middling) results. There’s a new conversation rising, particularly with therapy: have we hit the limits of these things? Therapists are crying, sharing that they can’t help patients with the way the world is. The burnout talk is evolving to how our coping mechanisms no longer work. Everyone is annoyed by the language of trauma. What the relationship between these three things show is how modern (adult) life is a whack-a-mole of coping: everything is a coping mechanism in a time when everything is unpredictable. Sure, life has always been this way – but have we always been exposed to all this news? Were people in other times in more cohesive settings, where they were more apt to listen and help each other? Were we less insulated and alone?

I…don’t know! As we face another day in a world of crisis culture, we will continue to do what we do: create an intersectionality of coping, which may or may not do much of anything. Grab a dog, a bottle of wine, and cue up Betterhelp, I guess.

Schools, labs, farms to fill empty offices
So many “But what are we gonna do about offices??” stories are so uncreative and stupid. This one is actually very interesting, about the inventive minds who are using old offices as venues for spas and farms. (Also, if you want to read one of the most boot-licky, landlord-loving pieces maybe ever, this new Times piece on empty offices will suffice. It’s one of the most absurd things they’ve published!)

The dangers of swimming in Lake Lanier
The History of a Black Town
There have been a lot of deaths at Georgia’s Lake Lanier this year, but it plays into a much larger history of racism and death at the site. A very curious something!

MrBeast’s Olympics: a geopolitical nightmare
The Mr. Beast’s “rewriting of the world” saga feels like it slid under the radar. This story captures why his literal redrawing of the map is important!

Coco Gauff, Laura Siegemund Drama
“Shes an ICON”
This week in sports news, Coco Gauff had a badass moment shutting down an opponent who went oh to wah wah white woman tears.

Thousands stranded at Burning Man
“Burning Man 2023”
"helicopter shot of Burning Man"
“my therapist is at Burning Man”
"with chris rock and a fan picked us up"
First drama of the week: the rich person playground of Burning Man became a (literal) disaster site, spawning memes and other weird content. Something about the Diplo/Chris Rock thing is very weird!

“Beware the tabi swiper”
“i got my tabis!!”
“he went prove it”
“sorry in advance”
Second (TikTok-to-Twitter) drama of the week: the Tabi thief. Best press Margiela has gotten in years! Also the swiper is…fine. No wonder he could do shit like this! Although the gifting twist? Gagged.

I Asked Friends Why We Stopped Speaking
I feel like we’re going to hear a lot more stories about ex-friends and, while this story isn’t perfect, it plays into the long genre of friendship breakups.

“Miami Vice Aesthetic”
“pov: you’re a rich woman in the 80s”
"IKEA 1985"
Eighties rich people glamor is trending. Might this be the next mega-aesthetic to follow Y2K? Feels like it’s time, given that we all are so desperate for money.

This week, we lost one of the greatest talents of our time: Róisín Murphy. She didn’t die, no, but she committed a sort of incredible career suicide that rivals none other than Colleen “Hi” Ballinger, a foot-so-far-in-your-mouth-it’s-now-gaping-out-your-prolapsed-asshole behavior stunt worthy of applause.

For those who are confused or who have no idea who I’m talking about, here’s a recap –

• Róisín Murphy is an Irish alt-pop star who rose to fame in the 1990s, as a part of the band Moloko. They had a few alt-hits like “Sing It Back.” She was Caroline Polachek before Caroline Polachek.

• She came into her own in the mid-aughts, when she went solo and started making critically acclaimed dance music. Her straddling of art and fashion created a modern performance style that was lifted by Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Nicki Minaj (and evolved that of Grace Jones).

• She has released five albums, with her newest album Hit Parade dropping this Friday. It’s been buzzed about for months because she’s reuniting with Kompakt superstar DJ Koze.

• As shared in last week’s Report™, a transphobic Facebook post assumed to be tied to Róisín made the rounds. Fans were shocked, as she embraced a puberty blocker, “save the children” conspiracy theory and cried about being called a TERF.

• This week, Róisín released a statement on the matter, owning up that it was in fact her post – but that she wasn’t sorry: she was sorry for being canceled, "for being the reason for this eruption of damaging and potentially dangerous social-media fire and brimstone." It was one of the top ten (Maybe even top three!) worst apologies of all time, where she doubled down on TERF ideology while excusing herself from culpability.

• This is bad enough, but she references her song “Gone Fishing” at the statement’s close. Queer students of her discography caught this dog whistle: that song was inspired by trans-persons via Paris Is Burning, built upon years of her speaking to the community. She essentially exploded two decades of queer fandom and pissed on their grave with three words, as many pointed out.

Where to begin? And why are we talking about it here? This situation plays into this year’s theme of celebrities-being-bad (Hello, Lizzo! And Ariana!), along with a debate this week about gay men and their iconizing straight women versus fawning over other queer persons (which has to do with a version of misogyny). There’s something to be said about tribalism and cancellation too, and how the art of discussion doesn’t exist anymore (particularly when those who are critiqued “bow out” and shut down opportunities for discourse, learning, or understanding).

This also converges into a conversation that has been blooming: a Gen X cultural reckoning. Róisín has always embodied the contrarian, counter-cultural, “I don’t give a fuck!” edge that defines Gen X and why people love her and Gen X. But, where this point of view falters – and where the interrogation is occurring – is how this approach can negate personhood, eschews responsibility, and reframe Boomer and Karen antics into doomer-y “I don’t give a fuck”-ism. Róisín’s “cancellation” does just that, revealing a variety of antiquated, Gen X-specific, self-serving progressivism. This conversation has been growing and growing and growing and growing, built on think pieces and think pieces and representatives like Gwenyth Paltrow and Elon Musk. This is a preview of a bigger moment.

Everything about this situation is a huge bummer, as I’ve been the biggest fan of Róisín-the-soloist since her Matthew Herbert days. As her shows get canceled and her label turns down promo the very week of her new album, let me give you two Gen X salves I’ve turned to: revisiting the work of Annie, from “Chewing Gum” to the criminally underrated Endless Vacation, along with the new Kylie Minogue, who saw this drama and gave the queers the love they needed.

“go lay down”
"mitch mcconnell could do"
“more mitch glitch”
“they aint us”
Mitch McConnell “froze” again. Here are some of the best memes about it.

"Christian girl autumn? 😍 "
“Christian girl autumn is here”
There is a big rise in Christian Girl Autumn / Caitlin Covington fancams. The lesson here: be nice to queer people and they will stan you for life.

“i can’t read”
“John Cena hacking”
“sponsor me”
Enjoy the latest iteration of the NPC TikTok culture: the Frail Victorian Child. (Also see the hot dog guy if you haven’t.)

"Dua Lipa cooking shrimp"
“Robert Downey Jr.’s sustainable Malibu home”
Big week for psychobabble posting about celebrities. Thanks, PopCrave!!

“my bowels”
“you are my sea”
“I have BPD”
Some affirmations I manifested this week. Try them!

“physical touch”
“cutie patootie”
“accidentally entered a relationship”
Something happening with straight men turning gay right now.

“26 years since the greatest retraction”
RIP to Princess Di, who would have loved this retraction.

"fun facts for the Golden Bachelor contestants"
I do not care about The Bachelor but I am VERY tempted by The Golden Bachelor. Just look at these contestants! I mean? "Jeanie's favorite color is neon." So me!!!

“Southern Contessa”
I have lost count of the times I’ve watched this drag queen talk like Paula Deen.

"I saw the kid on the left"
Please watch children speed walk. Wait for the twist ending!

"Mami be careful"
“Mommy be caweful”
I do not condone Bad Bunny and Kendall Jenner (He should be with a man! And she should be with a woman!!) but I do condone his baby voice.

“O is for”
Fuck them kids.

“all the dance practices”
Second best dog of the week. First place goes to…

“FEARLESS FERGIE”
I NEED HER.

And, finally, how every Report™ actually ends.

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